In the Star Wars saga, we are introduced to The Force (TM) which is an energy field which has a  light side, a dark side, and binds the universe together. Like Duck Tape. The Force is used by Jedi and Sith alike, for all kinds of purposes- though mainly fighting and picking up girls. So, I guess it’s also like alcohol? But I digress…

Here’s what occurred to me. When we think of the FORCE(TM), we think of Yoda. He is the wise Jedi Master who is full of quipy sayings and poor grammar, who is a good karma, peace and harmony kind of guy. He teaches detachment like a good Buddhist, and lives in a swamp (Mud hole- filthy) communing with nature like Ralph Waldo Emerson, or some of those other pre-hippy writers your English teacher forced down your throat in high school. But Yoda is only in touch with the light side of the Force(TM). He not only avoids the Dark Side, but tells others to do so as well. “Beware the Dark side!” He’s nothing but a close-minded, dark-hating, bigoted Jedi fundamentalist!

Of course, when you look at the other side, they aren’t really balanced either. Dooku is all “Dark side this” and “Dark side that.” It gets old. It’s like when a Green Bay fan walks into a room full of Bears fans. I don’t really care how many yards Darth Maul could throw for in one season. I’m just here to listen to  Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes.

So here is what occurred to me. In the Star Wars universe, who is it who most fully embodies the ENTIRE Force(TM)- light side and dark? Anakin/Vadar. He’s a Jedi and a Sith. He’s in love and full of hate. He’s selflessly devoted and ruthlessly ambitious. He is a creator of life and a destroyer of life. He saves and he murders. He whines and he cries. OK, I’m not sure about the last example. But my point is, to best understand the full nature of the Force(TM), you need to look at Episode III Anakin/Vadar. That messed up ball of imploding contradictions IS the Force(TM).

I guess what this comes to is, Anakin/Vadar was fairly well insane, and all the more so as he embraced BOTH sides of the force. I’m not ready to apply this just yet, but it does make you think. Maybe being in touch with the Force(TM) isn’t such a good idea after all.

And I hate to say it, but Green Bay IS doing pretty well this season. Don’t blame me. I only came in to hear the band.

rentafriend2000@hotmail.com

It’s been awhile since I updated the old blog here, so I decided to give you a little taste of the upcoming musical I am writing. This is the only song in the show which is a musical parody, but I thought it might help some of you study for your philosophy exams. If you don’t recognize the plagiarism, then by all means go watch the Pirates of Penzance, which features a very young Kevin Clein AND Chip Zien. What more could you want from a musical?

Anyhow, without further ado, here is the history of Western Philosophy in a catchy musical number:

Modern West Philosopher

I am the very model of a modern west philosopher
Most of them were learned men like clergy or astronomers
Following the path of western thought’s as hard as it appears
From continent to continent for I would say four thousand years

While Socrates was asking questions, Plato fought with Euphithro
Neitchze said that God was dead, but Jefferson said we don’t know
Marx said we would kill each other for things that are edible
Freud said that we love our mothers with complexes Oedipal

Darwin said that we were monkeys, Ken Ham had to disagree
Calvin said that we all suffer from total depravity
Pascal was a betting man but Einstein said God don’t play dice
Confucius taught a bunch of ways that we can all be kind and nice

John Lock’s mind was a blank slate- a sort of stream of consciousness
Ockham’s razor, in debate, says when you can then do with less
Manipulating and deceptive, Machiavelli couldn’t be worse
Copernicus moved our sun to the center of the universe

Bertrand Russell said there was no life beyond what we exhume
He would prob’ly get along with Scottish skeptic David Hume
Tom Aquinas summed it up with Theological complete
Frank Bacon was a scientist but Bacon wound up frozen meat

Isaac Newton thought the study of physics was lots of fun
Thomas More thought his Utopia would be a Catholic one
Kant’s Critique was critical and told pure reason Take a Hike!
Erasmus was a humanist that Martin Luther didn’t like

Kierkegaard took leaps of faith to love a God he couldn’t see
Hobbes bestowed on politics his contract with society
Wittgenstein thought language games was how a word would get a life
Jean-Paul Sarte’s thing-in-itself was playing with a paper knife

Hegel taught that contradictions are both paths that we can take
Leibnitz thought the best possible world was this one God did make
Philosophy has been the hunt for any truth that we can find
I’m sure there’s more philosophers but right now no more come to mind!

Like all these men who are so often quoted and quite popular
I am the very model of a modern west philosopher

[Curtain]

RentAFriend2000@hotmail.com

First of all, I have diverted my efforts away from writing this blog to turning all of this info into a stage production. It’s a lecture on Metaphysics/Philosophy/comparative world religions cleverly disguised as a rollicking comedy musical set in a mall food court. I’ll let you know when it’s done.

Secondly, I was recently interviewed by an adjacent blog site. This web site claims to use the secrets of the ancient Pharaohs to grow your business into an empire. I can’t say anything for certain, but part of me is afraid they are going to suggest enslaving four million Jews. I’m hoping it’s just time management skills. Or how to wear a fake beard and a comically large hat.

To read my email form interview, go HERE.

Enjoy your summer, and I’ll be talking at you soon. Feel free to talk back:

rentafriend2000@hotmail.com

His Mood is somewhere between sunny and cloudy, but then so is the weather.

RAF2K: Welcome to Cooking with Rent A Friend! Today we’re going to be making an easy recipe that everyone will love! We’re going to be making some cookies. This is an old family recipe; it goes all the way back to our first parents Adam and Eve. But don’t worry- this isn’t Grandma Eve’s Apple Cobbler Surprise!

[audience laughter]

We’re making a batch for the King today, and he’s going to be here in the studio to try them!

[audience applauds]

So we need to follow the recipe and do our best. First you will need a big bowl- this one is a “Lifetime”. This bowl is big enough to put in a lifetime of ingredients, and it starts out completely clean. You have to keep out anything dirty or it affects the whole batch! Like it says on the box, it’s not the size of your Lifetime that matters- it’s what you put in it! We’re going to start with some common basic ingredients. Here’s the flour of material existence, the eggs of biological life, and the sugar of self-awareness. Add a pinch of free-choice and some vanilla extract, and you’ve got the start of a really good batch of cookies!

There are all kinds of things we can add now. The toffee chips of fun, the strawberry bits of joy, or the caramel swirl of generosity. Let’s start this batch with everybody’s favorite- the chocolate chips of love! Here we go… Hmmm… It doesn’t look like there’s a lot in there. I’d like it to really look full of chocolate chips, so I’m going to add some more. Where did I put…Here we go, I’ll use the little coco puffs in this bag on the floor. There we go…

HAL [off screen]: Wait! Don’t do that!

RAF2K: What’s that, Hal? [puts handful into bowl and starts mixing]

HAL: Those aren’t coco puffs.

RAF2K: Aren’t they? My production assistant, Hal, tells me that those weren’t chocolate chips or coco puffs. What were those?

HAL: [whispers quietly to RAF2K]

RAF2K: Uh huh… bunny cleaning day… right… OH! That bag was bunny litter? But they look a lot like coco puffs. Look, it’s close enough. Small, round, brown… Look! Besides, it’s MY bowl, I can put what I want into it. I only need to add another handful to get this to look right. [adds another handful] There, that’s all I’m going to add. That’s not a lot, and it’s for a good cause.

HAL: Does the recipe allow.. uh.. substitutions?

RAF2K: I donno, let me check…..

HAL: Because I’m pretty sure it forbids the use of bunny poops at all, even to give the appearance of chocolate chips.

RAF2K: Hmmmm… Oh yeah, the recipe does say that- right here. “Do not add ANY bunny poops to this recipe.” Weird. I even had it underlined. Ah well, I can fix this.

[Exit Hal]

RAF2K: To make up for the… uh… bunny poops… I’m going to add a half-cup of caramels and a half-cup of toffee chips. Oh, and here’s more Chocolate chips! I’ll add a full cup of those…. Like so… and the bunny poops are nothing more than a memory! Now we’ll just preheat the oven to 350…

[Hal sneaks back out and whispers to RAF2k]

RAF2k: What, Hal?… He did not… He did? … Hmmm… Apparently the King refuses to eat cookies with any bunny poop in it. Did he see how much caramel I put in there? And toffee and more chocolate chips? I mean, he can’t mind a TINY handful of bunny poops when there’s so much GOOD stuff in there… Really? What if I add marshmallows? No? Man… Let’s just go to commercial…

Cooking with Rent a Friend will be right back.

Voice Over: From OT pictures comes Isaiah 64. He’s a prophet from the east, come to tell the people that they have earned the wrath of God. They were a culture of religious people who thought their good works could remove their sins. They didn’t see how their wickedness could infect even their goodness, but the prophet came to set them strait.

Isaiah: All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags!

Voice Over: Isaiah 64. See it for yourself. Playing now at all OT theaters.

RAF2K: Welcome back to Cooking with Rent a Friend. I’m making cookies for the King, who has joined us in the studio! [audience applause] I’ve been raiding the pantry and I’m trying to make my cookies acceptable to the King. Excuse me, your majesty, but what would I have to add to get you to eat these? I think I have strawberries in the fridge.

KING [off camera]: I’m sorry Rent a Friend, but there is nothing you can add to those cookies to make me eat them now.

RAF2K: Brown sugar? Blue berries? Raisins? Raisins look kinda… well, similar.

KING: It’s not the appearance that concerns me. It’s the substance. You put bunny poops in your bowl, and no matter what you add to it now, they will still be there. Your cookies are ruined and your bowl is dirty. The whole batch now has been tainted with poops. Your king cannot accept poop cookies, no matter how sincere the cook.

RAF2K: But… what am I gonna do? I only have this one Lifetime! Oh, man! I’ve ruined my cookies before they even baked! Can anyone help me! Can anyone take the poops out of my cookies?

KING: I can help you.

RAF2K: You? Oh, no, I couldn’t ask you for help. You’re the King! I’m supposed to make these for you. Besides, cleaning up after my messes is beneath you.

KING: My dear Rent A Friend, I’m offering my help to you. Here- I brought my own golden mixing bowl- it’s an “Eternal Lifetime”. Would you like me to help you?

RAF2k: Yes, sir!

KING: OK, good! Let me start with some flour…[the king goes about adding ingredients]

RAF2K: I have the recipe here.

KING: Oh, I don’t need that. I wrote this recipe. I gave it to your grandmother and grandfather.

RAF2k: Really? I didn’t know they knew you that well.

KING: Oh, sure. I owned that garden they worked in you know. I actually planted all of those trees myself.

RAF2K: Wow!

KING: OK, here’s a clean bowl with some fresh new cookie dough in it. Now you can add some goodies into it.

RAF2K: Wow, I don’t know how I can thank you enough.

KING: You can start by letting me wash these hands before you stick them into the bag of chocolate chips.

RAF2k: Oh, thanks! Hee hee! The King is washing my hands! Kinda tickles… OK everyone, we’re about out of time for today. Tomorrow the King’s first-born son is going to join us and show us how to make a delicious breakfast fish sandwich. Keep your bowl clean!

KING: And when you don’t- call me!

RAF2K: And we’ll see you next time on Cooking with Rent a Friend!

[catchy theme music and titles]

Today’s show was brought to you by the GOSPEL, which means “Good News!” OT’s Isaiah 64, and the letter S- “Sin cannot be removed with good works.” This has been Cooking with Rent a Friend on the Rent a Friend 2000 Network. Find us on Facebook! And email us at:

Rentafriend2000@hotmail.com

His mood is: It must be summer because I can’t remember what day it is.

Welcome back to the GOSPEL! To refresh your memory, here’s the hot rockin’ acronym that’s been lighting up the top of the Pop Metaphysical Charts:

G- God made you to have a personal relationship with Him.
O- Our sins separate us from God.
S- Sin cannot be removed with good works.
P- Paying the price for sin, Jesus died and rose again.
E- Everyone who trusts in Him alone has eternal life.
L- Life with Jesus starts now and lasts forever.

So far we’ve taken a good look at the person we call “God.” He made you to have a personal relationship with him. In a previous episode I unpacked some of his defining traits, so you can check that out. But of course, I’m only scratching the surface. Summing up the eternal God in a two page semi-weekly blog is like drawing New York City on a Napkin.

This week, we’re going to take a look at the second letter in our acronym, whose name I am not allowed to say on account of it being copywrited, trademarked, and owned by Harpo Studios. But I think you know the one I mean.  You may remember this vowel from the start of the Canadian National Anthem, or from the end of the names of some of your favorite cereals and canned spaghettis.

“Our Sin separates us from God.” One of the most unpopular concepts in the Christian faith is in this little phrase. People are simply offended by the word “sin.” They feel that, when you call something a “sin,” you are condemning it as being wrong, and saying it is something they should NOT do. The reason people feel this way is simple. It’s because that’s exactly what it means.

There are two kinds of sins: Sins of commission and sins of omission. Let me put it in terms of rubber ducks. A sin of commission would be putting your rubber ducky on the stove. The duck is meant to make bath time lots of fun, but you have put it over an open flame. Not only will you be grounded for touching the stove when your dad has told you not to, but you have caused irreparable damage to your rubber duck, and the smell of burning rubber will never come out of those kitchen drapes. Your sin of omission is failing to put your rubber duck in the bathtub (like you were told to) so he could make bath time lots of fun. You are SO grounded, young man. Go to your room!

What is a “sin” exactly? The term comes from archery. In plain English it means “ to miss the bull’s-eye.” When you miss the bull’s-eye, it doesn’t matter how much or little you missed by. A miss is a miss. A near miss is closer than a far miss, but it’s still not a bull’s-eye. This is one of the reasons the Bible speaks of being in sin as being spiritually dead. You’re either alive (sinless and right with God) or you’re not (sinful and in rebellion against God). No one is “Kind of” dead or, despite what you may have heard from Miracle Max, “Mostly Dead.” Those in the grave can’t argue about who is more dead than who. It doesn’t matter how you die or when. Dead is dead. This is called “the transitive property of dead,” (Bogus Mathematical Theorems, S.Bad 2007).

About many sins, people will say things like, “How can it be wrong if it makes me happy?” or, “I’m not hurting anyone! Why is it wrong?” or, “Hey! If you’re not going to buy that, then put it down and get out!” Or maybe that only applies to video game cheat books. But I digress. The point is, there are reasons why seemingly harmless or even enjoyable things can be “sin.” First, God as the all powerful, all knowing creator of all is our ultimate authority. Our Heavenly Father has the right to say the same thing our earthly fathers say to us all the time: “Because I SAID so! THAT’S why!” You just can’t argue with that.

Closely related is the fact that we were made with a purpose. Our purpose is to be in a loving relationship with our creator God. Just as your relationship with your earthly dad suffers when you refuse to obey (Not to mention the rubber ducks and kitchen drapes), your relationship with God is damaged when you sin. God made everything with its own true purpose. When we abuse those purposes, we are doing wrong and usually doing damage. A rubber duck is meant to be in the tub, not on the stove. Anything can be an example of this- take wine and cheese. Wine and cheese are both made by God to be enjoyed by us. When we have them in the right amounts, we fulfill those purposes and we are glorifying God by enjoying his gifts as intended. When we get greedy and abuse these gifts by having too much, we will get drunk and fat. This kills our brain cells, our liver, and our major arteries. What was supposed to bring us joy winds up bringing a heart attack or a night kneeling before the porcelain throne. Then we wind up featured on Cops and ashamed to show our faces at our high school reunion.

Also, the things we do have an effect on others. Jesus taught us that the two greatest commandments were to love God and your neighbors. We’ve already seen that sin hurts our relationships with God, but it also hurts our relationships with others. Just take a quick look at the Ten commandments and ask yourself, “Will violating these commands help any of my relationships?” I think you’ll find that choosing to lie, cheat, break promises, steal, and envy won’t result in group hugs and singing “Kumbiya” while holding hands. You’ll probably get punched. I’m just warning you.

C.S. Lewis, in his brilliant book “Mere Christianity” likens the human experience to a fleet of ships. A ship has a purpose. It is meant to stay afloat and carry passengers and cargo from one place to another. If it is used for another purpose, it is being misused. To fulfill this purpose, it must be working internally. This is why some good things like disciplines and attitudes which no one else sees are so important. They keep you working on the inside. This serves a second purpose. It keeps you sailing in line with the others around you. If you’re a busted up, rusty ship, you’ll be running into other ships and you’ll both get damaged. Third, you all need to be headed in the same direction and to the correct destination. If you sail together, but you wind up in Mozambique when you were intended to wind up in Brazil, the passengers will be planning a mutiny with those shuffleboard implements. The metaphor breaks down when you reach the shuffleboard elements, but I think you know where I’m going with this.

Just as setting fire to your rubber duck in the house will damage ducks and relationships, our sin separates us from God, as well as doing other damage. At this point in the story, we have to replace a rubber duck, kitchen curtains, and pay for the damages to the stove, which I assure you our meager allowance will NOT cover. Not only that, but we have a smacked bottom coming, and believe you me: It is coming.  Can there possibly be a happy ending? If you were paying attention last time, you should have the hope that there can be. Your daddy loves you, and right now, that’s all you’ve got going for you, but between rubber ducks and getting grounded, it’s all you’re ever going to need.

rentafriend2000@hotmail.com

His mood is: …Oh, you don’t want to know. Let’s just say he’s waiting for the day old coffee to kick in.

To the casual observer, theology can seem like a dense underbrush of spiky vines, meshed grasses, towering trees, stinging insects, and near lethal allergens. This is how the rain forest in the Amazon Rain Basin appears to me. I’ve not been there, but I spoke to a friend about it. She went to the Amazon to work on a medical boat, providing assistance to the poor villagers who live on the river. Apparently I was absolutely correct. It’s a miracle that anyone survives living there. Their average stinging insect is the size of a single engine plane. To be fair, the Chicago Suburbs has all the allergens, stinging insects and humidity of the Amazon, but far more traffic due to construction, and where they have trees, we have political corruption. But I digress.

The many things said about God in the Bible can seem like a tangled mess. He is given a thousand different names, and it’s hard to keep it all straight. I think this is why we all still know him simply as “God.” It’s a little easier to remember than “El Shaddia,” or “Jehovah Mekoddishkem.” Easier to spell, too. At first glance, theology can be a bit overwhelming. However, once you get to understand it better, you will see not a tangled mess, but a collection of intertwined pieces, like the fabrics of a blanket or the parts of a symphony, or, if you’re a nerd like me, the connections and inverse relationships of mass, size, ionization energy and metallic character across the periodic table of elements!

Oh… OK, I can see that you’re not a nerd like me. How about, it’s like the differing moves of the players on a football field running the same play- working together in harmony to score a goal unit?

Maybe I better just get to it.

In our acronym GOSPEL, we start with G- “God made you to have a personal relationship with Him.” The easiest thing to do is start at the start and work our way up. The start is the beginning of the universe. The Bible’s first verse tells us that God made everything; “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” Time, space, energy, matter, the laws of physics, the three primary colors, the seven-day week, and all thirty-one flavors of ice cream were his creations. The first thing God does is create, and it’s an amazing story resulting in an amazing universe.

At the end of the week, just before he invents the weekend, God makes the first two humans. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” A lot of modern commentators (And by that I don’t necessarily mean people who have read Genesis themselves) talk as though God may have started the universe, but the appearance of mankind came as a shock. They picture him walking through the garden of Eden one day saying to the angels, “My, I have been gone a very long time. It’s 13.7 billion years if it’s been a day. But I like what the laws of natural selection have done with the place. Wait! What are THOSE things? They’re like monkeys but… taller!”

The bible tells us clearly that God not only intended to make us, but he made us special. God also intended us to be like Him in ways that monkeys, dolphins, and hamsters are not. This idea is a little foreign to our culture. In previous generations a married couple had children because they wanted to have a family, so they understood that God could have no needs yet desire to have children to love. Since the 1960’s people tend to have children for the same reason that they get parking tickets. “It’s… a boy?!?!? But I just fed the meter! I gave it 75 cents not an hour ago! How did this happen?!?!”

There are several ways in which the Bible tells us about God. One way is his many names, all of which tell us something about his character and relationship to us. For instance, El Shaddai means “Lord God Almighty.” That’s the shiny nameplate on the BIG desk. Jehovah Rapha means “The Lord That Heals.” That’s good news whether you’ve got a broken heart or just tried roller skates for the first time. Jehovah Shalom means “The Lord Is Peace.” This makes sense for the creator of the weekend.

The name that really put Oprah off, according to her own personal testimony, is Qanna  which means “Jealous.” At hearing this name, Oprah sorta switched sides and now bats for the other team, if you know what I mean. But she simply misunderstood the meaning because of the English form of this word. In English, Jealous is the girlfriend who throws a public temper tantrum and accuses you of cheating because a pretty girl just asked you the time. In our common usage, jealousy is usually based on selfishness, or petty insecurity. However, when the word is used in the Hebrew it talks of God as a husband who desires a special and intimate relationship with his wife- one that no one shares. This is not based on insecurity but on a passionate desire for intimacy. Let’s face it, if you’re ok with your wife having boyfriends and lovers, you’re a pretty lousy husband.

God is like a Father because he made us, and we are made in his image. Our heavenly father loves us, provides for us, and teaches us right from wrong. God is more than just a father though. He is also like a husband. He wishes for an intimate, committed love from his people. He wants the other gods of the world to look at the left hand of our heart and say, “Oh, leave that one alone- she’s spoken for.”

The piece of the puzzle to grasp today is this: God made everything that is, including you. God made you on purpose, and he has no intention to keep his distance. As a charming talking tomato once said, “God made you special, and he loves you very much.” Hopefully, that should take the sting out of the theological thicket.

rentafriend2000@hotmail.com

His mood is: fairly uncertain what his mood is or ought to be. But he’s enjoying his gum.

Greetings friends! In case you have wondered where your trusty Rent a Friend has gone, rest assured that I survive and have not been arrested. So, why have I not updated the blog? Here’s a partial list:

My wife and two bunnies have been sick, my water heater exploded, my in-laws came to stay with us for a bit, I had to get the breaks fixed on my wife’s car, I became a part time web master, and I discovered Myth Busters is on Netflix instant play.

So, I been kinda busy making sure my wife and rabbits survive, my house was not destroyed, the car could stop, my in-laws had a place to sleep, and I learned all I could about blowing up household fixtures.  But I plan to get back to all of you very soon. Wish me luck.

Have a happy Easter, celebrating the resurrection of Jesus from the dead. Why we celebrate the resurrection of the incarnate God and messiah by pretending bunnies are painting eggs and delivering baskets full of jelly beans, I don’t know. I’m guessing this was designed by the same marketing team responsible for Santa Claus and Green Beer. Those guys will someday answer for their crimes against humanity. In the mean time, does anyone know how I can send them my resume?

Your Rent-a-Friend

rentafriend2000@hotmail.com

He is sick of being on antibiotics, but his job brings him in contact with middle school kids.

OK, let’s see here: We’ve taken Pascal’s wager, met an elephant, we’ve thought (And therefore we are), we’ve had dinner with Hitler, and seen how nature and the universe at large prove the existence of God. Whew! I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve hiked all across the existential map. Or at least the Metaphysical Map. I wonder how Dora the Explorer does it every day? That kid must be slamming cappuccino like there’s no tomorrow. I’ll bet that backpack of hers contains nothing but RedBull.

Now that we’ve seen why it makes sense to believe in God, the next logical question is “WHICH God?” The Hindus alone have 330 million of them (Which gives you a possible 900,000 holidays per DAY. The Hindu greeting card industry should be the wealthiest and most powerful in the universe!) Why should we take Pascal’s God along with his wager? I think the path we’ve already trod can tell us part of that already. Take the Kalam Cosmological argument for instance. It showed us how the universe is finite- meaning it doesn’t have an eternal past. So, right away we can discount those faiths that require an infinite past, like Mormonism. Also, the creator of the universe is non-material. That counts out the Flying Spaghetti Monster (AKA Bruce). I think it also counts out Mormonism again. Those guys don’t get a lot of breaks.

I could nit pick at the various religions of the world, but my time is better spent presenting the Christian faith. First of all, I am a Christian, so it wouldn’t make much sense for me not to. Secondly, it saves a lot of time. If Christianity is true, then the other religions are wrong on those points where they disagree. I can prove one point instead of disproving a lot of others. That saves time and energy (although your mileage may vary). Therefore, I am going to spend some time introducing you to the Christian faith, explaining what it is, and then showing the historical, literary, and metaphysical proofs for it’s validity. I will deduce the truth like Sherlock Holmes, and I will start by shouting like a cheerleader! GIVE ME A G!!!!

G- God made you to have a personal relationship with Him.

O- Our sins separate us from God

S- Sin cannot be removed with good works.

P- Paying the price for sin, Jesus died and rose again

E- Everyone who trusts in Him alone has eternal life.

L- Life with Jesus starts now and lasts forever

I stole this from Dare 2 Share (Click here to visit their site).

And then Dr. Cheese (The internet’s favorite rock and roll puppet show) got a bunch of cheerleaders to cheer about it. If you’re like me, you love learning complex theology from puppets.

Admittedly, it’s a little simplistic, but it’s all of the basic ideas. If you want a more in depth slice of the theology pie, start reading some good books and downloading some good podcasts. I recommend the first four books of the New Testament.

Now, if you got your theology from watching the Simpsons, you’re probably asking, “Does the Bible really teach this? Doesn’t it teach that you have to obey the Ten Commandments to get into heaven? Don’t you have to wear a sweater and have perfect Sunday School attendance?” Oh, you poor misguided souls. Don’t worry. Your Rent-A-Friend is going to show you some Bible verses that will astound you!

Here’s Jesus talking about himself (The Son of God) to a religious big wig in John chapter three, verses 16-18:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.”

And Paul writes about it in his letter to the Romans, chapter five: “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

“OK,” you’re saying, “love love love. Apparently that’s all over the Bible, but what’s all this about not being able to pay for our sins with good works? Isn’t that what the ten commandments are for? Isn’t that why we do good works? Aren’t we buying the stairway to heaven?” Read on, friends, and be AMAZED!

John 5:24 is Jesus talking about himself again; “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.”

And then in John 14, verse six: “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

What is the way to God? Jesus. What is the truth that will save you from sin? Jesus. Where do we get eternal life? Jesus. It’s all about Jesus.

Still think you earn your salvation? Well, my man Paul has lots more to say on this subject. Check him out in Romans 3: 21-25: “But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.”

Paul continues to explain this in Romans chapter 11, verse 6: “But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.”

And then in Galatians 2:20 & 21 he’s all: “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.”

And you can be all, OK Paul! We get it! But he keeps going in Ephesians chapter One, verse seven: “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace.”

And before you can tell him that you seriously have it this time, the Ephesians are all, “Wait, what?” and you roll your eyes, but Paul is happy to keep on going in chapter two verses eight and nine: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

At this point you might be thinking, “Woah! The Bible seems to say this over and over!” Yeah, it does. Just do a search for the word Grace over at biblegateway.com and you’ll see it pop up nearing two hundred times across the New Testament (Depending on your translations of course).

Heaven is  discussed, mentioned, alluded to, and shown in all kids of ways. Here’s the important things to know: 2 Corinthians 5:1 “For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.” The tent is your body. God has a plan to give you something better when you are done with this tent. THAT one will last.

Ephesians 2: 4-6 says this: “God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” See? Our heavenly home is so secure through Jesus Christ, Paul talks about it in the past tense. We were SEATED with Him. We already have our eternal life and our eternal home. We’re just waiting to catch the bus to heaven. The only downside is, the bus is death- literally. But once you get there, you won’t mind. Besides, how bad is a bus ride when you are going home? Not too bad at all. Even if the bus smells funny and it’s a long, bumpy ride, you should look forward to catching that bus. There is going to be one sweet welcome home party when you get there.

Not saved? No problem. It’s as easy as A B C.

1. Accept that you are a sinner in need of God’s Grace.
2. Believe that Jesus died for your sins and paid for them all, making you right with God.
3. Confess your faith. (I suggest using Baptism AND your mouth, since the Bible tells us to do both.)

First, confess this to God in prayer. Prayer is nothing real fancy- it’s talking to God. You don’t have to know any particular religious words. Just come to your creator and king and tell Him you accept, you believe, and you confess it to be true. Commit yourself to loving and serving God for the rest of your days, and he will never leave you or abandon you. Now, like a marriage, you haven’t reached the finish line once you make this commitment-you have taken your first steps into a larger world.  You are saved, but that is just the beginning of a new and eternal life. You’re a child of God! You have an eternal salvation and a home in heaven. God almighty has adopted you into His family, so love your Daddy and make Him proud!

And whenever our buses come for us, I’ll be seeing you in heaven. THAT is gonna be sweet. The heaven part. The bus is still gonna be the bus. But I’m going to try and get a seat next to Dora. Maybe she’ll pop open that backpack and give me something to keep me awake for the journey. I’m sure she has enough to share.

rentafriend2000@hotmail.com

Our intrepid hero, Rent a Friend 2000, finds himself waking on the polished white floor of a strange place. After the explosion on the Space Station, he was sure he would wake up in heaven, but it seems he has survived! Miracle of Miracles! After a quick look around, he finds that the sinister Dr. Materialist and the ponderous Dr. Pensive have also both survived, as has humorous and expendable junior cadet, Billy, who they all call “Skippy” because they are all too polite to call him “idiot.”

“Look!” says Skippy. “Rent a Friend 2000 is awake!“
“Thank the improbabilities!” says Dr. Materialist. “We were afraid your life functions may have ceased.”
“Yeah! And we was afraid you might’a died too!” adds Skippy.
“Where are we?” asks our groggy hero. Looking out the window, he sees red rocks as far as the horizon. “We’re either on Mars or in Colorado.”
“We are on the surface of Mars,” answers Dr. Pensive. “We woke not long before you. It seems we are in some kind of biosphere.”
“A Martian biosphere!” exclaims Rent a Friend 2000. “How did we get here?”
“We are not sure,” answers Dr. Materialist. “Though improbable, it is not impossible that the explosion threw us from the Space Station and into the Martian atmosphere, where an unusually strong updraft slowed our fall so that, when we landed in this biosphere, we were unharmed by the landing.”
“I figured we’d a burst into flames on the way down!” shouts Skippy. “Just all KABLOOEY!!!”
“I find that idea improbable,” says Dr. Pensive. “I do not see how we could have fallen from orbit and survived.”
“But if we hadn’t,” snips back Dr. Materialist, “you wouldn’t be here to doubt it.”
“And looky over here!” shouts Skippy as he suddenly hops up and runs off like some tiny excitable dog- the kind that celebrities are always carrying around in a purse.
Our intrepid hero follows Skippy to a large panel overlooking the Martian landscape. There are dozens of large dials, each set to different numbers. “What do these do?” he asks.
“Don’t touch that dial!” shouts both doctors, “or we’ll all die!”
Our hero steps back from the dials and grabs Skippy by the collar to get him away from the panel as well.
“Each of these dials is fine tuned for our survival,” explains Dr. Pensive. “Dr. Materialist and I have both deciphered their purpose, and each of these dials is a control for one of the many life support systems in the biosphere. Each dial has at least a thousand possible settings, yet if a single dial is altered even a single position we will all die!”
Rent a Friend 2000 pulls Skippy a little further from the panel. “Lucky someone knew we were coming!” quips our intrepid hero.
“What do you mean?” asks Dr. Materialist.
“I mean,” clarifies our hero, “it’s a good thing someone set all these dials like this so we could stay alive down here.”
“Oh, I don’t think there is any reason to assume they were set for us,” retorts Dr. Materialist. “It is a happy coincidence, to be sure, but there’s no reason to think they were set for us.”
“But, if they weren’t set exactly as they are,” our hero replies, “we’d all be dead. The odds against them being set in just this manner by accident seems beyond impossible.”
“My dear Rent a Friend,” chuckles Dr. Materialist, “you sound like Dr. Pensive. The only reason you are here to make that observation is just because they accidentally were set as they are. If they had not been, we would not be here to wonder at the improbable nature of it.”
“I think you landed on your head,” suggests our hero with concern. “You think we fell from space and accidentally landed into a biosphere which ACCIDENTALLY has dozens of dials set within a thousandth of a degree for our survival? The odds are far better that we’d have died on reentry.”
“Like this, KABLOOEY!!!” yells Skippy.
“Shut up Skippy. Doctor, it’s impossible that these settings would be as they are unless someone knew we were coming and had set them exactly as they needed to be for us,” our hero explains.
“It seems that way,” says Dr. Materialist, “but you need to consider the bigger picture. There were probably a lot of us falling from the Space Station. It was fairly probable that someone would land in this biosphere, and by chance it was us. No doubt there are thousands of biospheres all with different settings. We were just the lucky few who happened to fall into the right one.”
Rent a Friend 2000 looks out the window and sees nothing but red rocks to the horizon. “Uh… Doc, where are the other biospheres?”
“Well, we don’t know. They could be anywhere,” answers Dr Materialist. “We can’t see them. But for us to have happened to find the one with the right settings, clearly there must be a vast number of them all set randomly so that, by chance, one of them would have the right settings for us.”
“You fell on your head.”
“Like this, KABLOO…!!!”
“So help me Skippy I will shove you out the airlock!”

Will Rent a Friend 2000 shove Skippy out the airlock? And if he did, would Skippy find the thousands of invisible biospheres that Dr. Materialist thinks are scattered across the Martian landscape? Or did he just land on his head? STAY (finely) TUNED!

This argument is actually a very real conversation happening in the realms of physics and cosmology. Our universe is governed by a large number of physical laws- like gravity or the forces that hold atoms together. Each of these forces is fine tuned to a certain quantity or constant.  If any of these forces were to be dialed the TINIEST bit different, our universe would not permit ANY life. And I don’t mean, if you doubled or halved these forces that things would go sideways for us. I mean, if you changed one a single percent, we all die. For many of them, the amount of change which would be devastating to us is SO SMALL that there are not words to describe. For one of these settings, the number of possible settings on the dial would be more than the number of ATOMS IN THE UNIVERSE (author’s note: That is a lot).  Turn the dial and all life ceases. Gravity is a bit more forgiving. Imagine that there was a ruler that stretched across the entire universe. Each inch represents a different possible setting for the gravitational constant. How much could you change the setting before life became impossible? Maybe two inches. You hit three inches and it’s like this! KABLOOEY!!!!

In the minds of many, this fine tuning can only be the result of intelligent design (i.e. God). This argument is so powerful, and the conclusion so obvious that many atheists have been forced to theorize a super universe of infinite universes, so that our one fine tuned universe is just the happy accident that we fell into. “Yes, it is unlikely that we have the right settings,” they admit, “But someone had to get the right universe, and if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be here to wonder at how unlikely it was.”  It’s like the lottery. SOMEONE has to win, right?

TRUE STORY: One year, on my birthday, I got a lotto ticket in my birthday card. When I scratched off the ticket, I saw that OH HAPPY DAY I HAD WON A MILLION…!!!!
“Oh, wait… this is fake isn’t it?”
“How did you know?” my friend asked me.
“Because I won,” I said.

What evidence do we have for the lotto being fixed? There is, as far as anyone knows, only one ticket, and we got it for our birthday. Those super universes full of other universes have never been seen. There is NO PROOF for their existence. The only reason they have been proposed is that some people don’t like the obvious conclusion that comes from realizing how fine tuned our universe it. That many have proposed a “Many Universes” theory only goes to prove how strongly the Fine tuning argues for the existence of God and His having designed the universe. There is literally NO OTHER REASON this theory exists!

Let me sum up: A recognized fact leads to an unwelcome yet inescapable conclusion, so some invent a fiction for which there is not a shred of evidence. Remember when I said religion and science are not opposites? In this case, religion seems to have actual evidence on its side and science has… X-Men comic books? Hmmm….

For more info on this idea, please see Chapter Six of Lee Stroble’s “Case for a Creator,” or search for Fine Tuning (AKA The Teleological Argument) on his web site, www.leestrobel.com, William Lane Craig’s www.reasonablefaith.org or  www.answersingenesis.org

And tune in next time for more thought provoking good times on RENT A FRIEND 2000! But don’t touch that dial- OR WE’LL ALL DIE!!!!

rentafriend2000@hotmail.com