Fake Math and Flying Spaghetti Monster

Your Rent A Friend is listening to: Count Basie Radio on Pandora.com

His Mood is: Good, baby! It’s ALL good.
(Rent-a-friend’s note: The email address at which to reach me is now a hotmail address for reasons which elude me. In short, if you ever wish to email me, it will have to be at hotmail because my gmail account imploded and cannot be recovered. Like the deathstar. Poof. I knew I should have put a screen on that thermal exhaust port!)

If you’ve been reading this blog faithfully (and by the look of my stats about four of you have), you know that I have been attempting to prove the existence of Objective Truth as outlined in my Metaphysical Map. If you haven’t been reading my blog, you probably think I am on powerful drugs which are not necessarily prescription. Let me assure you all that I know exactly what I’m talking about. I am talking about TRUTH! And part of the reason I am talking about truth is because I wish to tell you about Jesus. It’s not as much of a stretch as you might think to go from Metaphysical outlines of objective truth to a Jewish carpenter who claimed to be God.

But before I get into that, I need to address one of the favorite modern criticisms against Christianity. If you’ve seen anyone talking about Christianity as a faith on television, whether it’s Oprah, the national news, or some random biology professor pushing his latest book on theology (because he thinks all he needs to write an informed book on the subject is a British accent), you’ve heard someone attack Christianity for being “arrogant” on account of making “exclusive truth claims,” which is just the idea that “opposing view-points” are “wrong.” These “arguments,” it seems to me, are “foolish” because they lack the “thought” to realize how “self-defeating” they “are.” That, and I “enjoy” putting “things” in quotes “.”

Yes, I will admit up front that Christianity claims to be true. Before I move on, let’s consider any religion that did not make this claim. Imagine they came to your door and invited you to their worship service center.

MAN: Good afternoon, sir or madam. As a member of the local congregation of the Faithful Followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I would like to invite you to our regular worship services at our Worship Service Center and Coffee Bar.

YOU: The Flying Spaghetti Monster? What is that?

MAN: The Flying Spaghetti Monster, or FSM for short, or sometimes I call him “Bruce,” is the creator of the universe and a creature of pure love. He is a huge pile of Spaghetti and meatballs. He can fly, thus the name, and he is invisible and in all other ways undetectable by modern science. Yet with his magical love powers, Bruce can make things. Like Trees. Or chipmunks. Come worship with us.

YOU: You believe the universe was made by a giant flying pile of spaghetti?

MAN: Uh, no. I don’t. Todd says he does, but I’m pretty sure he’s kidding. Our doctrine and dogma are all just ridiculous. I can’t imagine anyone believing this stuff.

YOU: You don’t believe your own religion is true?

MAN: No, of course not. It’s pasta for heaven’s sake. How would invisible pasta make anything? Even if it is really loving, which I don’t think pasta can be either.

YOU: So, you want me to come worship something that you don’t even think is true?

MAN: Yes.

YOU: Why would I do that?

MAN: Uh… because with your regular financial contributions, you get a discount card which is good at our coffee bar.

YOU: …?

MAN: It’s pretty good coffee.

YOU: I have to get back to playing Guitar Hero now…

(Watch this scene as a cartoon here!)

The next step to this objection is equally poor. They complain, not so much that Christians claim that Christianity is TRUE, but rather because Christians claim that any ideas, religions, or philosophies which disagree with Christianity’s teachings are UNTRUE. It is called arrogant to claim that, just because an idea opposes the truth, that it must therefore be wrong. Christians are called all kinds of names because we have the nerve to say that what we believe to be TRUE is TRUE, and that ideas which we believe are false we call false. If you’re like me, you’re saying to yourself, “Maybe these people need to look up the word “arrogant” at dictionary.com.” Hmmm… Maybe I’ll do that.

Here’s what it says: “Marked by or arising from a feeling or assumption of one’s superiority toward others.” But what does it say about the idea of TRUE?

“Being in accordance with the actual state or conditions; conforming to reality or fact; not false.” Well, crud. It looks like, by simple definition, true and false are opposites. It doesn’t strain credulity to then say anything opposed to what is true is, by definition, false. So, if I can combine these ideas, this argument against Christians would be as such: “Christians think ideas opposed to true ideas are false because they assume themselves to be superior to other people.”

If you can follow that train of thought, you must have one heck of a map.

I don’t think it’s a stretch here to assume we all know that, to state something to be true (Not personally preferred, but actually, factually TRUE), you HAVE to believe that all opposing views are false. Were you to look up and say, “The sky is blue right now,” you would also be saying that any claim of the sky being a DIFFERENT color to be false i.e. “wrong.” (See “Sean’s Shirt is Red” from April 27).  If I were to hold out my hand and say, “I have a rubber duck in this hand!” it would imply that anyone who stated or believed that I did NOT have a rubber duck in that hand was wrong. It doesn’t need to be said. By stating a truth claim, you’ve already said that opposing views are wrong. This isn’t rocket science. By that, of course, I mean that anyone who claims this is rocket science is wrong. See how easy this is?

To show how simple and universally applicable this is, I will bring in a little old school fake math. I’m not saying anything for certain, but this might be on the test. So, if you wanted to take notes, it MIGHT be a good idea. In case a pop quiz were to happen to show up tomorrow. *wink wink*
Let’s let X represent the Christian’s whole set of beliefs. Everything the Bible teaches=X. So, the Christians would say, X=Truth. Inversely: Anything NOT X=False.

If X=Truth, then (for example) B=false, Q=False, and X+Q=False. X+Q might be closer to True than just Q, but it is still wrong by whatever Q is.

If you want some numbers to compare this to, let’s take everyone’s favorite mathematical standby: 2+2=4.

2+2=4, thus, inversely, 2+2 does not equal anything NOT 4.

2+2 does not equal 7, it does not equal 128, and it does not equal Tuscaloosa, Alabama. 7 is closer to 4 than Tuscaloosa is, but it’s still wrong by 3. Tuscaloosa is wrong for all sorts of reasons, but you have to admit that it’s fun to say. Try it:  TuscaLOOSa…

Here’s where it gets entertaining. Let’s now take the stance that the Christian’s claims of exclusive truth are arrogant and evil and wrong, and make them X.

Thus, “Christians are Arrogant and wrong to claim exclusive truth”=X.

These people are saying X=Truth. But if they really believe what they say (X) then they are also claiming that anything NOT X=False.

This attack on Christianity is using the EXACT SAME THOUGHT PROCESS and the same logic to make the claim of exclusive truth which they are condemning! It is a claim of exclusive truth which implies that anyone who disagrees is wrong.

You can’t argue with math people. This is MATH. Besides, if you did argue with math, you’d just be substituting your anti-math stance for X and you’d be no better than anyone else. In fact, you might be sillier than anyone else. Using math to disprove math is a bad plan, whatever your metaphysical stance on rubber ducks.

To sum up, it is not arrogance to say that something is true, and it is not arrogance to say ideas opposed to those which you believe to be true are themselves false. It’s impossible to call something true without calling others false. If you don’t believe me, then go to dictionary.com and see for yourself.

When I finally get around to telling you that Jesus is THE God, King, Prophet and Savior of all, I am also saying that the Flying Spaghetti Monster (AKA Bruce) is Not any of those things. That isn’t arrogance. It’s the nature of truth. Arrogance is telling people that they are fools to believe in Jesus because of how improbable the Flying Spaghetti Monster is as though you were an expert in everything simply because you have a British accent. But that’s another blog for another day. By which I mean to imply it’s NOT a blog for today.

Do you see how easy this is? Try it yourself some time! You’ll be the hit of any party. If you see Bruce at any of those parties, then I think you need to lay off the drugs which aren’t necessarily prescription, if you catch my meaning. And that’s the truth.



About rentafriend2000
Rocking my 40's with a heart full of love and muffins, science and technology. Jesus loves me and wants me to totally rock! And I am here to help.

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