Israel’s Funniest Home Videos

Having seen how Jesus knew he was God, and how his core mission was to be the atoning sacrifice whose death (And resurrection) would make sinners right with God, I would like us to now consider the other parts of the Gospels which are evidence for their being real history. As everyone knows, “history is written by the winners.” Some people take this to mean that the Jews wrote the old Testament to make themselves look good, and the Christians wrote the New testament to make themselves look good. Had these people ever read ANY of the Bible, they would know how stupid this theory is.

The Old Testament in a Nutshell: The Jews are a people who come from a wacky collection of patriarchs which would remind you of the cast of Duck Dynasty. Abraham sold his wife to the king Egypt, Joseph got tossed in jail in Egypt, Moses had to flee Egypt because he flipped out and killed a guy. God saved the Jews from slavery, but before the week was out they had used old jewelry to make a new god, and the true God was smiting a large handful of them for it. Eventually they set up a kingdom. Their first king went completely bonkers. The second king was arguably their best as all he did was kill his neighbor and steal his wife. The next thousand years is recorded with “This king was wicked, the next one was more wicked than that, and the one that followed made the first guy look like Mr Rogers.” Eventually God gets sick of them all and lets the neighbors come along and cart them away so he can have a little peace around the promised land. If the Jew wrote their own history with the purpose of painting themselves as a great people with a proud and glorious history of victory and moral rightness, they failed epically. It reads more like a blooper reel than a propaganda piece.

The New Testament also fails the written by the victor litmus test. If you were the church, and were looking to create a fictional version of the lives of Jesus and the fathers of the church, the first five books of the New Testament is NOT how you would do it. The Gospels read like so: Jesus shows up and does amazing things, to which many respond with, “I donno…” He raises the dead, heals the blind, the mute, and some lepers, to which many people say, “That’s not how I would have done it.” His disciples spend a lot of time saying, “What is he talking about?” to which he replies by nick naming them “Yea of little faith.” Once he calls Peter “Satan.

When Jesus rises from the dead on Easter morning, the disciples are told by the women who first visit the empty tomb. Most of them won’t believe until they see for themselves, and one refuses to believe until he gets the chance to see Jesus’s scars firsthand. A month later, when Jesus ascends into the clouds, there are a few watching who say, “I donno…

One of the key writers of the New testament is the Apostle Paul, who has the distinguished career highlights of being a vicious persecutor of the church, leading many of the first believers to jail or death. A few years into his career, he’s calling Peter onto the carpet for acting like a racist when he refuses to acknowledge his gentile friends when his Jewish homies stop by.

As for the church itself, there are entire books devoted to churches who were acting like there was a gas leak in the sanctuary. The message of Christ crucified for our sin and risen victorious over death calls people to faith in Jesus Christ. However, as part of the church, not everyone became Christ-like over night. Paul has to scold a whole congregation who thinks it’s being “open minded.” He’s all, “Seriously you guys, it is NOT cool that this dude stole his father’s wife. It’s creepy. He needs to fix that situation or you guys need to stop letting him attend Sunday School.” On one occasion he has to ask a church’s leadership to help two women to stop fighting with each other.  Yes, cat fights go back as far as first century.

The details are many, but the short version is- if you were going to write a fictional history of the church, from the earthly ministry of Jesus to the first generation of leaders and followers, the Bible is NOT what you would come up with. The only reason that anyone would record the stories which are written in the Bible is because those stories are true, and the authors are just telling it like it is, epic fails and all. History isn’t always written by the winners. Sometimes it’s written by the followers of the winner, who themselves are losers, but who, in telling the truth, have nothing to lose.

RentAFriend2000@hotmail.com

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About rentafriend2000
Rocking my 40's with a heart full of love and muffins, science and technology. Jesus loves me and wants me to totally rock! And I am here to help.

One Response to Israel’s Funniest Home Videos

  1. Courtney says:

    I have loved your blog for years. Thank you for your sense of humor and your well written comments.

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