New Species found! The ROACH CLOWN!

Let me be the first to announce the discovery of a new hybrid species which has come onto the scene over the past few years. While many of you will not have seen any of these creatures in person, you no doubt will have stumbled upon their droppings and other filthy signs of their existence in formerly clean places such as FaceBook, YouTube, and the Bloggosphere. They spread the diseases of hate and ignorance, often using verbal venom as they flail angrily at Christians, conservatives, and especially Creationists. Once you get to know this strange new species, you will find it’s dirty little footprints all over the social media.

Periplaneta Atheimima is the otherworldly hybrid between the American cockroach and the circus clown, and thus its common name is simply the Roach Clown. Drunk on a cheap bottle of Atheism, and often limited in communication to logical fallacies and obscenities, the Roach Clown sometimes gives the impression of a creature which can be communicated with, but the attempt will quickly show that this perceived ability is actually a facade. A true Roach Clown can no more have a conversation than those robots that answer the telephone when you call your cable company to talk to someone about your bill. Questions are ignored or completely misconstrued, and if you answer one of their questions, they shall give no indication of understanding, and will quickly change the subject. They speak more as a reflex than out of a desire to communicate. They feed on the misery and unhappiness of others (This leads me to believe they could be closely related to the Troll) and so spend a good deal of time trying to provoke anyone they can encounter. More often than not, the things they say are mere bait for their next hapless victim, and not an actual attempt at sharing ideas or gaining knowledge.

Though they are full of venom, they are mostly harmless, and because of their lack of understanding or reason, they can be accidentally very funny, and thus hard to take seriously. If you can build up an immunity to their annoying sting, you can find them quite amusing when they are encountered. If you show amusement at them, they can become quite enraged, which itself can be very funny. While trying to prove someone wrong, they very often give themselves a logical pie to the face.

Roach Clowns are afraid of the light of truth, and so they hide in the dark shadows of the internet. They can be found behind anonymous pen names and alter egos. Not to be found very creative, they will often use the word “Atheist” in their handle, and just as often use no name at all. Ironically, they will demand personal details about their victims, especially their educational and professional credentials. It’s a lot like having your blood sucked out by a mosquito, but when you try to swat it, it demands to know where you got your degree in swatting.

Their addiction to getting drunk on Atheism is a sad part of their norm, and effects their behavior strongly. Some net citizens will try to free them of it out of compassion, believing correctly that they would be better off without it, but this only leads to violent attacks and often an abuse of the Caps Lock key. If you attempt to take their cheap bottle of Atheism away from them, they will become violent. It does not matter if you try to snatch the bottle directly, or try to poke holes in it by showing the weakness of Materialism, Evolution, or Liberalism. Even if you attempt to replace their bottle with something better, like Philosophy, Observational Science, Christian Apologetics, or even simple Reason, they will merely respond with venom. Make sure you are wearing gloves if you attempt any of these actions.

Many are so addicted to their draught, that they will go out and attack alternatives preemptively. This will be seen in the thumbing down of Christian videos they have not seen or books they have not read, hateful comments and critical reviews of such videos or books, often with personal attacks against the authors and those persons who choose to watch or read them. One may wonder how it can be known that a Roach Clown is attacking a book they did not read or a video they did not watch, but it is not difficult to determine. Roach Clowns are not terribly bright, and many will actually admit in their comment that they did not read or watch that which they are spewing venom at. (No, seriously, they do this. I once had a guy admit to me he had not read an article of mine, but then he still chose to write a SIX PAGE REBUTTAL explaining why I was wrong. For the views expressed in an article he ADMITTED he had not read. You can’t make this stuff up.)

This is the one, primary defining characteristic of all Roach Clowns. Each one may vary from this of course, from time to time, but what each of them communicates on all forms of social media, and what seems to unite them most as a species is their transmission of the message: “I don’t know or understand what you are saying, but you are wrong and I hate you.”

Once again, their bite can be very annoying, but if you can build up an immunity to their venom, they can be very funny. If you do not work to build up an immunity to them, them it is best to avoid any contact with them, as the venom can cause a strong allergic reaction that is expressed in irritability and disorientation. It’s ugly. If this happens to you, don’t try to reply to them. Just hit the mute button and go lie down for a while.

Please feel free to share with us your interactions with this new, strange species, and we will perhaps work together to find a way to stop them from breeding. It will take a good deal of education, and as much of the light of truth as we can shine into the world. They tend to breed in shadows, where ignorance and lies can flourish. Because they spread disease, they are best simply swatted until they do not return, but because the places they are found are often poorly lit, make sure not to swat the other, more docile creatures which can be found behind nicknames or sipping Atheism from a glass. Just because they share an environment and a few similar features does not mean every creature deserves to be swatted. Tread carefully when determining if you’re aiming for a Roach Clown or for some other, less harmful species.

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