You Need a Friend, I need to be helpful

OK, here’s my purpose: I am here to help.
You have questions, and I have heard you my little friends, and I am here to make it all clear. Oh, we’re talking about the big questions.
Metaphysics: What is truth? What is real? Where is my rubber duck?
Spirituality: Who is God? Who was Jesus REALLY? Aren’t all religions basically the same? What’s the connection between religion and silly hats?
Christianity: What does the Bible REALLY Teach, and why does Oprah seem to have NO IDEA what she’s talking about?
Relationships: What is the yellow brick road to love? How do I use my brain to keep my heart from screwing things up?

The problem is you have a million voices telling you answers to these questions, and almost all of them come from idiots who hate you and are only using you for money. But I’m your friend (at a reasonable hourly rate) and I will help you through the mire using love, muffins, and a rubber duck. And since I have yet to find a way to collect money from you, you can be sure I’m only here because I’m your friend.
I’m a better friend than I am a businessman.

Feel free to send me specific questions. I am, after all, your personal rent a friend.

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