Big White Whale (Not a post about dieting)

Lately, the church attenders in our nation have wondered how, if it’s so obvious that Genesis 1-3 are meant to be read as literal history, that so many people with college degrees have decided that it is a literary device meant to teach a spiritual lesson and not real history. Their point is a good one- why would educated people fail to miss the obvious historicity of Genesis 1-3  and then themselves write all kinds of theories about how Genesis is a metaphor for the ancient pagan temple dedication, used by Moses as a literary device to describe how God formatted the world in the guise of a temple, like maybe the Egyptians would have done. It is something of a quandary, and I think I can clear it all up by having you ponder one facet of literary history: Moby Dick.

The Gospel According to Internet Atheists (Episode III- The Holy Roman Empire Co. Ltd.)

Welcome back, friends, to the TRUE story of the Bible and the Church (according to the collection of atheists on the internet). In this, the third and final installment, we will see how the church simultaneously created and destroyed Western Civilization and is to blame for everything that’s wrong with the wold, including mosquitoes, nuclear war, and Male Pattern Baldness.

The Gospel According to Internet Atheists (Episode I- The Virgin Jewess)

The story we call the Gospel is the good news of Jesus Christ, told in a book known as “The Bible.” If you’ve been living out from under a rock, you have heard this book referenced in all kinds of different media- from TV and movies to popular magazines and maybe even- if your denomination is particularly conservative- in church. It was not long ago that all churches used to talk about the Bible, but as of late they’ve been distracted by things like the Oprah Book Club, or any device whose name has a lower case “i” in front of its name.

Many people have made a good deal of noise (And let’s face it- money) by claiming to tell the TRUE history of the Bible, and by “TRUE” they mean “COMPLETELY different from story the church tells.” In short, the Church says, “The Bible is actual history and is true.” The alternate version says, “Liar, liar, religious pants on fire!” The debate has been violent, hateful, and has torn apart families, friendships and nations. And that’s just the comments on FaceBook.  Of course, I do not mean to imply that the people becoming rich by spreading these alternative histories are merely money grubbing scum bags. What I do mean to point out is, they have been getting rich, and so I figure I should give it a try. Also, they may be scum bags. I won’t rule that out just yet.

Give me a G! (The Amazing Gospel!)

Your Rent a Friend is listening to Come Away by Jesus Culture

He is sick of being on antibiotics, but his job brings him in contact with middle school kids.

OK, let’s see here: We’ve taken Pascal’s wager, met an elephant, we’ve thought (And therefore we are), we’ve had dinner with Hitler, and seen how nature and the universe at large prove the existence of God. Whew! I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’ve hiked all across the existential map. Or at least the Metaphysical Map. I wonder how Dora the Explorer does it every day? That kid must be slamming cappuccino like there’s no tomorrow. I’ll bet that backpack of hers contains nothing but RedBull.

Now that we’ve seen why it makes sense to believe in God, the next logical question is “WHICH God?” The Hindus alone have 330 million of them (Which gives you a possible 900,000 holidays per DAY. The Hindu greeting card industry should be the wealthiest and most powerful in the universe!) Why should we take Pascal’s God along with his wager? I think the path we’ve already trod can tell us part of that already. Take the Kalam Cosmological argument for instance. It showed us how the universe is finite- meaning it doesn’t have an eternal past. So, right away we can discount those faiths that require an infinite past, like Mormonism. Also, the creator of the universe is non-material. That counts out the Flying Spaghetti Monster (AKA Bruce). I think it also counts out Mormonism again. Those guys don’t get a lot of breaks.